Well... It's may the 6th and so far this year has already had its ups and downs. Some great things to mention and some not so great. I guess starting at the beginning is good so here goes....
I guess I should start by mentioning that I completed and passed Foundation Studies at Flinders University last year and got into a Bachelor of Arts degree do this year I'm studying at Flinders again. my 4 topic areas are Sociology, Philosophy, English/Creative Writing and Screen & Media. I'm hoping to do well in ENGL and S&M as ideally I'd like to one day be filming small movies, documentaries or be a script writer. I've met some great people at Uni and made some great friends. The study load isn't too much so far although some of the content in SOCI and PHIL is tough to get my head around. I'll just persevere and do the best I can, that's all I can do right?
In other news, I've wiped the slate with some people I was friends with... Something I felt necessary in order to move forward in my life. Occasionally I miss them but then I remember why I chose to walk away and remember that I'm better off without them in my life. I've also met some new people outside of Uni that I have become friends with. Out with the old in with the new :)
So that's some up the ups.... Now to some of the downs and in betweens... I have so much going on in my life right now I feel like things just can't get any worse really... Though I know they could, I just think when it rains it pours and when one bad thing happens, others follow. So what's been going on?
Well, I finally have a court date to get a DNA test for my daughter to prove to her father that she is his child and thus, get him to pay child support. It's been a long process and still a long way to go, but it's finally starting to happen. I lost two of my front teeth back in October last year (years of drug abuse has not helped at all and thankfully it has been 6 years since I touched any hard drugs, I think I'm a credit to myself for overcoming it), and after a lengthy wait on the dental waiting list for goat assistance to get my teeth fixed, my name finally came up on the top of the waiting list. Now I just have to come up with the money to get new teeth as I need two other teeth removed before I can get my new ones. I feel like some kind of grotesque moron... I feel like when I go out all dressed up nice, people must be saying "she's not bad looking, until she opens her mouth" :( I feel hideous! :(
So now I hear you asking, is that all that's going on? Why would you think things can't get any worse? Well.... Three weeks ago I went for a smear test. I'm meant to get the, done every year due to the fact that there is a long history of cancer in my family and my mum had cervical cancer at age 28. Stupid me didn't get one done for 6 years and I received some bad news when I got the results back last week. I have to go into hospital in June for a colposcopy and a biopsy as I have the starting of cervical cancer and I need to biopsy to find out how far it's progressed. Being that its been 6 years since my last smear, who knows how bad it's going to be. As much as I expected it one day, I wasn't expecting it so soon. What worries me is not the fact that I may have to have a hysterectomy if its progressed too far, I'm more concerned about having to take so much time off Uni if I do. It's a 6-8 week recovery period from a hysterectomy, and that's if there isn't any post op infection. Hospitals here are renown for it. I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. The stress has started affecting me health wise too. I feel like one of those annoying people that does nothing but complain all the time. My arthritis in my knees has flared up, the bursitis in my shoulder has flared up, I've been getting migraines, not sleeping much and my eyes tingle a lot as a result of lack of sleep and migraines. I just want it all to stop. The waiting for the biopsy is going to be tough. I'm an impatient person at the best of times and for something like this, it's going to drag on and on and do my head in. So that's my year so far... Like I said, ups and downs, and right now I just want something good to happen. The is more not so good stuff I could mention but its making me feel more depressed just thinking about it, so I am going to stop here for now I think. Catch ya again soon...
Monday, May 6, 2013
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The World Has Had Enough!!!!
Was talking to my friend today and I think i finally hit the nail on the head....
There is so much 's**t' going on in everyones lives atm and I think I have a good theory on why...
The world has had enough!!!!
Think about it... we have almost destroyed the world with our pollution and greed, and the world is finally biting back. The weather patterns are going crazy, earthquakes galore, volcanos erupting, mass rainfall and floods you name it...
I think the world has finally said "F*** You, time to get my own back", and slowly but surely, in one way or another, things are happening. natural disaster, people getting really sick (other than the normal stuff), people turning on each other, killings etc....I think its all part of the grand thing called Evolution and it's inevitable. It's like 'The Secret' explains about the 'Law Of Atraction' but on a much bigger scale....
All the negativity in the world is finally outweighing the positive, and the world/earth is acting accordingly, so, if we want things to change..... First WE MUST!!!!!!
7th September 2010
There is so much 's**t' going on in everyones lives atm and I think I have a good theory on why...
The world has had enough!!!!
Think about it... we have almost destroyed the world with our pollution and greed, and the world is finally biting back. The weather patterns are going crazy, earthquakes galore, volcanos erupting, mass rainfall and floods you name it...
I think the world has finally said "F*** You, time to get my own back", and slowly but surely, in one way or another, things are happening. natural disaster, people getting really sick (other than the normal stuff), people turning on each other, killings etc....I think its all part of the grand thing called Evolution and it's inevitable. It's like 'The Secret' explains about the 'Law Of Atraction' but on a much bigger scale....
All the negativity in the world is finally outweighing the positive, and the world/earth is acting accordingly, so, if we want things to change..... First WE MUST!!!!!!
7th September 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Me for You and You for Me....
I sat down last night and wrote down a list....
It contains a lot of the things that we both put into this friendship. I am very sad that, after writing this list, I can see how much effort I am putting into a friendship, that really doesn't seem to mean that much to you.
Here's the list so far....I could probably add more if I had to think about it, but these are the ones that came to mind very quickly.....
Me for You:
1. helped organise your birthday party
2. Taken your daughter to school when you havent been home to do it or are still asleep
3. Pushed YOUR shopping halfway home from the shops while you carried nothing but your
handbag and i did it with a fucked back too
4. sold u a dryer which after it being taken leaves black marks so i let you have it for only the
$20 deposit you gave me because we dont know what is causng the marks.
5. Driven you to mt barker in your car which is dangerous to drive, coz u have no licence
6. Driven your mum to mt barker
7. Written you 2 referneces to help you in court, even after not knowing you long
8. I have and will drop everything to come have coffee with you when you ask
9. I come down the street with you pretty much every time you ask, unless i have to be
somewhere, which is rarely the case
10. Have been a shoulder for you to cry on more than once and will do so anytime because that's
what a good friend does
11. Have listened to your problems on so many occasions i have lost count and tried to offer
advice because thats what a good friend does
12. If i read your status on facebook and its a bad one and you feel down, i'm the first one to
knock on your door to see if you're ok and try to cheer you up
13. If I ever need anything or am returning anything we borrowed, 99% of the time it is ME
who comes to your place about it. Rarely do I send the kids over as 'messengers'
You For Me:
1. Many weekends I get woken up by the dramas at 2 in the morning but i've never put in a
complaint about it, tho any normal person would have after 6 months of it!
2. Lent me some things here and there as a friend does which I'm thankful for
3. Asked me to come over for coffees regularly and 99% of the time come, but you don't very
often come over for coffee to my house, or you will say you're coming and then dont turn up
4. Said you'll come over but often don't and don't let me know you're knot coming
5. While everyone else including your mum helped look for the key to the cuff, you prefered
going inside and eating and telling everyone else to look for the key, when it was your
boyfriend who did it. YOu didnt seem to care too much about it.
6, Quite often when i ask you to come with me on a friday down the street you either dont want
to or say you will but when i knock on the door you're conveniently still in bed or not home
coz you stayed at troys
7. When I am down or depressed about something you ask whats wrong but only because you
dont wanna seem like you dont care, but then when i go to tell you whats wrong, you change
the subject into something about you
8. 99% of the time, if you need anything or are returning anything you borrow, you either just
text me or send someone else over to my house as your messenger person, rarely do you
come yourself.
9. You'll text me or message me on facebook late at night coz you're bored and you ask what I'm
doing, and then I'll reply and tell you to come over, but then 5 minutes later Troy rocks up or
you go out and i don't hear from you for another day....whay ask what I'm doing?
It saddens me that I even felt the need to write this list. A normal friendship wouldn't require this, but then, I have been wondering for a week or 2 whether this friendship IS worth the effort I put in, and after reading this list, I guess that gives me my answer doesn't it?
I think for now, I am gonna do my own thing....if you really want to save this friendship, then it's you who needs to fight for it, coz i am tired of trying. I'll be here if you need me, as any good friend would, but just remember, a good friendship only works if both people care enough about it to make it work...the balls in your court.....
It contains a lot of the things that we both put into this friendship. I am very sad that, after writing this list, I can see how much effort I am putting into a friendship, that really doesn't seem to mean that much to you.
Here's the list so far....I could probably add more if I had to think about it, but these are the ones that came to mind very quickly.....
Me for You:
1. helped organise your birthday party
2. Taken your daughter to school when you havent been home to do it or are still asleep
3. Pushed YOUR shopping halfway home from the shops while you carried nothing but your
handbag and i did it with a fucked back too
4. sold u a dryer which after it being taken leaves black marks so i let you have it for only the
$20 deposit you gave me because we dont know what is causng the marks.
5. Driven you to mt barker in your car which is dangerous to drive, coz u have no licence
6. Driven your mum to mt barker
7. Written you 2 referneces to help you in court, even after not knowing you long
8. I have and will drop everything to come have coffee with you when you ask
9. I come down the street with you pretty much every time you ask, unless i have to be
somewhere, which is rarely the case
10. Have been a shoulder for you to cry on more than once and will do so anytime because that's
what a good friend does
11. Have listened to your problems on so many occasions i have lost count and tried to offer
advice because thats what a good friend does
12. If i read your status on facebook and its a bad one and you feel down, i'm the first one to
knock on your door to see if you're ok and try to cheer you up
13. If I ever need anything or am returning anything we borrowed, 99% of the time it is ME
who comes to your place about it. Rarely do I send the kids over as 'messengers'
You For Me:
1. Many weekends I get woken up by the dramas at 2 in the morning but i've never put in a
complaint about it, tho any normal person would have after 6 months of it!
2. Lent me some things here and there as a friend does which I'm thankful for
3. Asked me to come over for coffees regularly and 99% of the time come, but you don't very
often come over for coffee to my house, or you will say you're coming and then dont turn up
4. Said you'll come over but often don't and don't let me know you're knot coming
5. While everyone else including your mum helped look for the key to the cuff, you prefered
going inside and eating and telling everyone else to look for the key, when it was your
boyfriend who did it. YOu didnt seem to care too much about it.
6, Quite often when i ask you to come with me on a friday down the street you either dont want
to or say you will but when i knock on the door you're conveniently still in bed or not home
coz you stayed at troys
7. When I am down or depressed about something you ask whats wrong but only because you
dont wanna seem like you dont care, but then when i go to tell you whats wrong, you change
the subject into something about you
8. 99% of the time, if you need anything or are returning anything you borrow, you either just
text me or send someone else over to my house as your messenger person, rarely do you
come yourself.
9. You'll text me or message me on facebook late at night coz you're bored and you ask what I'm
doing, and then I'll reply and tell you to come over, but then 5 minutes later Troy rocks up or
you go out and i don't hear from you for another day....whay ask what I'm doing?
It saddens me that I even felt the need to write this list. A normal friendship wouldn't require this, but then, I have been wondering for a week or 2 whether this friendship IS worth the effort I put in, and after reading this list, I guess that gives me my answer doesn't it?
I think for now, I am gonna do my own thing....if you really want to save this friendship, then it's you who needs to fight for it, coz i am tired of trying. I'll be here if you need me, as any good friend would, but just remember, a good friendship only works if both people care enough about it to make it work...the balls in your court.....
Friday, July 23, 2010
Friendship!
Friend-ships
There are friends who pass like ships in the night
Who stop for a moment then sail out of sight
With never a backward glance of regret
Friends we know briefly but quickly forget
THen there are friends who sail together
Through troubled waters and stormy weather
They are your friends through joy and through strife
And they are the ones who give meaning to life
-Anonymous
I've remebered that poem ever since I read it in Dolly magazine in high school and its so true too. Then there's another kind of friend..you know the one I'm talking about.....
The one you drop everything to be there for, that you share everything with, that you'd give the clothes off your back if they need it.....but funny how your phone only rings when they need something from you. Funny how, when you need someone, they're never around.
I was never a person with a lot of friends and therefore cherish the friends i do have. I guess the hardest thing for me was that when I was growing up with not many friends, I had to try even harder to make friends because I had to try harder to BE one. If that doesn't make sense to you then look at it this way....It's hard to know how to BE a friend if you haven't any! As I got older I guess I carried a bit of that with me because I now find myself struggling to keep friendships that really don't seem worth the effort sometimes.
Maybe sometimes it's better to just have yourself because then you dont have to deal with broken friendships or empty friendships.
At the end of the day, you have to be happy within yourself, if you have friendships that make you unhappy or that you are struggling to keep going, then maybe, just maybe, it's better to cut all ties and make yourself happy
xx
There are friends who pass like ships in the night
Who stop for a moment then sail out of sight
With never a backward glance of regret
Friends we know briefly but quickly forget
THen there are friends who sail together
Through troubled waters and stormy weather
They are your friends through joy and through strife
And they are the ones who give meaning to life
-Anonymous
I've remebered that poem ever since I read it in Dolly magazine in high school and its so true too. Then there's another kind of friend..you know the one I'm talking about.....
The one you drop everything to be there for, that you share everything with, that you'd give the clothes off your back if they need it.....but funny how your phone only rings when they need something from you. Funny how, when you need someone, they're never around.
I was never a person with a lot of friends and therefore cherish the friends i do have. I guess the hardest thing for me was that when I was growing up with not many friends, I had to try even harder to make friends because I had to try harder to BE one. If that doesn't make sense to you then look at it this way....It's hard to know how to BE a friend if you haven't any! As I got older I guess I carried a bit of that with me because I now find myself struggling to keep friendships that really don't seem worth the effort sometimes.
Maybe sometimes it's better to just have yourself because then you dont have to deal with broken friendships or empty friendships.
At the end of the day, you have to be happy within yourself, if you have friendships that make you unhappy or that you are struggling to keep going, then maybe, just maybe, it's better to cut all ties and make yourself happy
xx
Saturday, July 17, 2010
New Beginning
Well, this is my first EVER Blog post. I've never had a blog before. Lots of people have told me that it's a great idea and i just never got around to it I guess, but now here I am. :)
I decided to call my first post 'New Beginning' for a few reasons, which as you read on, you will discover for yourself. THe first being the most obvious...it's the first time i've ever written a blog.
It kinda feels like you are talking to someone that's sitting in front of you, but that has no eyes or ears and can't respond....until later when it's been posted to the web and other people read it lol.
My girls are asleep at the moment, the last day of school holidays so they should enjoy their last sleep in LOL i don't have the heart to wake them, i just went past the door on the way to make a coffee and both of them are snoring their heads off LOL. They are so peaceful.
We are moving back up to QLD in January with my best friend, Wayne. We are all really excited. I think that this move will be the last i do for a while. Their stability is important and i have moved them around too much already. Ah, one is awake, i hear music in the bedroom hehehe.
I brought the girls back here to SA from QLD so that they could get to know their family on both my mum and dads sides. They have met everyone on Dads side and see them with regularity now and that's fantastic. When we go to QLD we are going to miss them all and definately will be keeping in touch. Mums side is another story. I don't even wanna get into that right now or i'll be here all day LOL, but the girls don't see much of them, never have and nothing will ever change as far as i can see, so why bother....it's wasted energy hey.
Anyway, we are going up there and we are going to be happy. We will miss my Mum but i have told her that she will be most welcome up there at any time and that if the cold gets to her, she is welcome to join us in the warm region :)
I can't wait to get up there and see my friend Beck again, and her gorgeous kids. They are all great kids, but i guess that is mostly because of Beck :) She is an inspirational mum, so if you read this Beck, Congrats Honey, I am ever so proud of you! You are a Mum to look up to! xxx
When we go back to QLD we are planning to go up to Cairns area and Beck is not far from Cairns so it'll be great to catch up again and get together so the kids can play etc regularly. Can't wait!
So there's another reason for the blog title....a new start in QLD again. More planning and a more positive attitude this time should make for a much better 'take 2' i think. :)
Both the girls are awake now coz I can hear them talking, so that must mean breakfast will be required soon :) Pancakes I think..mmm yum!
Well, i am gonna leave it here for now and go and see how i go about getting this posted. Take care if you are reading this...keep your eyes open for more here soon. I plan on putting up pics of the girls etc and my ramblings good or bad. It's up to you if you wanna read it or not. This blog isn't being made for 'everyone else', but if people wish to read it then they are welcome to; it's so that one day, when the girls ask "what were you doing then mum", i can open the blog and they can read what was going on in my life, and theirs, at whatever point from here-on they want to know about.
Have a great day people.
xx
I decided to call my first post 'New Beginning' for a few reasons, which as you read on, you will discover for yourself. THe first being the most obvious...it's the first time i've ever written a blog.
It kinda feels like you are talking to someone that's sitting in front of you, but that has no eyes or ears and can't respond....until later when it's been posted to the web and other people read it lol.
My girls are asleep at the moment, the last day of school holidays so they should enjoy their last sleep in LOL i don't have the heart to wake them, i just went past the door on the way to make a coffee and both of them are snoring their heads off LOL. They are so peaceful.
We are moving back up to QLD in January with my best friend, Wayne. We are all really excited. I think that this move will be the last i do for a while. Their stability is important and i have moved them around too much already. Ah, one is awake, i hear music in the bedroom hehehe.
I brought the girls back here to SA from QLD so that they could get to know their family on both my mum and dads sides. They have met everyone on Dads side and see them with regularity now and that's fantastic. When we go to QLD we are going to miss them all and definately will be keeping in touch. Mums side is another story. I don't even wanna get into that right now or i'll be here all day LOL, but the girls don't see much of them, never have and nothing will ever change as far as i can see, so why bother....it's wasted energy hey.
Anyway, we are going up there and we are going to be happy. We will miss my Mum but i have told her that she will be most welcome up there at any time and that if the cold gets to her, she is welcome to join us in the warm region :)
I can't wait to get up there and see my friend Beck again, and her gorgeous kids. They are all great kids, but i guess that is mostly because of Beck :) She is an inspirational mum, so if you read this Beck, Congrats Honey, I am ever so proud of you! You are a Mum to look up to! xxx
When we go back to QLD we are planning to go up to Cairns area and Beck is not far from Cairns so it'll be great to catch up again and get together so the kids can play etc regularly. Can't wait!
So there's another reason for the blog title....a new start in QLD again. More planning and a more positive attitude this time should make for a much better 'take 2' i think. :)
Both the girls are awake now coz I can hear them talking, so that must mean breakfast will be required soon :) Pancakes I think..mmm yum!
Well, i am gonna leave it here for now and go and see how i go about getting this posted. Take care if you are reading this...keep your eyes open for more here soon. I plan on putting up pics of the girls etc and my ramblings good or bad. It's up to you if you wanna read it or not. This blog isn't being made for 'everyone else', but if people wish to read it then they are welcome to; it's so that one day, when the girls ask "what were you doing then mum", i can open the blog and they can read what was going on in my life, and theirs, at whatever point from here-on they want to know about.
Have a great day people.
xx
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